You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You and the stranger both like superhusbands, stony, and superfamily.
Stranger: Dad, what do you think of spiderman, you know the new superhero who's been helping you and the avengers out? -PP
You: I think he's gonna get himself killed. Just spandex? Come on. -TS
Stranger: Maybe he's good enough to not need anything more than the spandex...-PP
You: Please. Even Pops has a reinforced suit. Spandex is only good for the fashion part of it. Why are you so interested in this Spidey guy anyway?-TS
Stranger: I think you should offer him a spot on the avengers. -PP
Stranger: Plus I like the spandex, its cool. -PP
You: We typically don't give spots to people when we don't know anything about them outside of the field. Again. Why is this a big deal to you? -TS
You: Unless, you know who he is. *raised eyebrow* -TS
Stranger: He's just a friend is all. -PP
You: Oh. A friend? Or a /friendlier/ friend? Should your father and I know this "friend"? -TS
Stranger: Dad, I assure you spiderman and I are hardly intimate beyond the usual for friends of 'our caliber' -PP
You: Hm. Alright. -TS
You: ...Just be safe. -TS
Stranger: So can he be an avenger? -PP
You: We'd have to know a bit more about him first. Why don't you bring him by. I could at least give him something sturdier to wear. -TS
Stranger: Right, how about if I appoint for a meeting spot that the two of you can meet up at...-PP
You: Alright. Tell him to be at the top of the tower in fifteen minutes if he wants a job interview. -TS
Stranger: Great, thanks dad, you're the best. -PP
You: No problem sport. -TS
You: Oh and Peter.-TS
Stranger: What dad? -PP
You: Don't bother with the spandex. It'll only take up more of your time and your gonna need to think of how you can talk Pops into letting you join. -TS
Stranger: .....-PP
Stranger: I have no idea what you're talking about dad. -PP
You: Don't bullshit a bullshitter son. -TS
Stranger: I swear he's just a friend! -PP
You: The kind of friend that leaves your bedroom window open at night and forgets that Jarvis reports directly to me?
You: -TS
You: You're just digging yourself deeper. -TS
Stranger: How do you know I'm not sneaking out to clubs? -PP
Stranger: Drugs and all that fun stuff? -PP
You: Say. Tell me again how you cut your head open last weekend and needed stitches? -TS
Stranger: I tripped down the stairs at school? -PP
You: Try again. And this time think really hard and remember who gives you the allowance that paid for that blue and red fashion show.
You: -TSS
Stranger: You really don't like the spandex? -PP
You: Not when it's the only thing between you and a death ray, Peter. Honestly. -TS
Stranger: I'm too quick for them to catch me. -PP
You: Head! Stitches! -TS
Stranger: ....it was a fluke? -PP
You: Well there are bound to be more "flukes" and I'd rather they didn't take off a limb! -TS
Stranger: I'll be fine dad, more importantly, can I be an avenger? -PP
You: Now see, that's not up to me. The team leader gets the final say in that. As in Captain America. As in Pops. As in good luck. -TS
Stranger: ....can't you persuade him? -PP
You: You really want me to "persuade" him? Our bedroom's not sound proofed yet. -TS
Stranger: DAD. -PP
Stranger: DAD NO. -PP
Stranger: NO DAD. -PP
You: Well than you're on your own. Sorry sport. -TS
Stranger: When can I talk to pop? -PP
You: Well you've got about seven minutes left until you're supposed to be on the roof. -TS
Stranger: Alright, are you sure I should skip out on the spandex? -PP
You: He gonna find out eventually. Especially since I'm telling him tonight if you don't. -TS
You: he's*
Stranger: Fine, but I'm still wearing the spandex...I kind of like it. -PP
You: Well don't get too attached. It's going in the trash regardless of what Pops decides and your getting one laced with vibranium. -TS
Stranger: ....but I /like/ the spandex, and wade likes it too...-PP
You: Who likes what now?! -TS
Stranger: ....Wade likes the spandex? -PP
You: So that's why you like it so much. I'm gonna have to have a talk with that boy. -TS
You: There's only one reason a boy like that likes spandex Peter! Only one! -TS
Stranger: and what would that reason be? -PP
You: The same reason I like your father's suit. -TS
Stranger: ....which is? -PP
Stranger: Am I about to be scarred? -PP
You: Wade might be. *mumbling* Dirty little psycho, sniffing around /my/ son. -TS
Stranger: What's so bad about spandex?! -PP
You: It leaves no secrets Peter! -TS
Stranger: ....what's that supposed to mean?! -PP
You: It means Wade better keep it in his pants or I'll lop it off and feed it to the next stray your father brings home. That's what it means. -TS
Stranger: DAD!! I doubt Wade is into /me/ of all people. -PP
You: Why? What's wrong with you? He's too good for you now? Is that it? What a prick. -TS
Stranger: No dad, its just that I'm a scrawny, awkward, sixteen year old, I haven't even had my first kiss! -PP
Stranger: he can do a lot better than me...-PP
You: Are you serious? You're a Stark. There is no "better". -TS
Stranger: I'm also a Rogers, and apparently I'm destined to follow pop's record when it comes to dating. -PP
You: And he got a Stark. Either way it's looking up for you somehow. Especially since I'm sure the only thing better is an actual god. Hey! Maybe uncle Thor could hook you up! -TS
Stranger: Wade kind of reminds me of a young Tony Stark...-PP
Stranger: Maybe I have a shot! -PP
Stranger: Now I just hafta find a super serum...-PP
You: ...-TS
You: You did not just compare me to him. -TS
Stranger: its a rather good comparison. -PP
You: How is he anything like me? -TS
Stranger: You're both a little rough around the edges. -PP
You: ...-TS
You: Aren't you supposed to be on the roof in two minutes?! -TS
Stranger: I've got time. -PP
Stranger: Thanks for the good pep talk dad, I really think I'm going to pursue Wade now because of you. -PP
You: What?! -TS
You: Peter, no! -TS
You: Boys like him only want one thing! -TS
Stranger: I really like him dad! -PP
Stranger: And if you can change he can change too! -PP
You: Can't you let Uncle Thor introduce you to a nice Asgardian boy? Come on. They all have bods like his. ALL of them. -TS
Stranger: Wade lets me sleep over at his apartment sometimes, he cooks me pasta...-PP
Stranger: granted its from the box and all you have to do is boil water but still...-PP
You: ...Peter. Rule one when your father doesn't approve of your love interest. NEVER tell him you're having sleepovers with said interest. -TS
Stranger: ....right, Wade and I totally don't have sleepovers. -PP
You: That's better. -TS
You: Thirty seconds and counting for you to make it to the roof by the way. -TS
Stranger: I'm already on my way up, I'm taking a shortcut. -PP
You: You better not be scaling the outside! I just had those windows cleaned! -TS
Stranger: Whoops? -PP
You: -_- -TS
Stranger: I've only made a few smudges. -PP
You: I'll just have dummy spot clean later then. Goodluck. -TS
Stranger: Right....-PP
Stranger: Peter lands gracefully on the roof, "Mr Rogers-Stark?"
You: "Spiderman," Steve says, nodding politely.
Stranger: "I think you know why I'm here..."
You: "And I think you understand I can't let you in without knowing a bit more about you."
Stranger: "Ask away, I've got plenty of time."
You: "How you stayed under S.H.I.E.L.D.'s radar after getting your powers for starters. And how you got your powers in the first place
Stranger: "I told you, the spider bit me, as for S.H.I.E.L.D, my friend Wade has been helping me out with that..."
Stranger: "Er well, I told Ironman"
You: "Tony? When did you talk to him?"
Stranger: "I'm friends with his son, or well, your son I should say."
You: "So they both just decided to keep me in the dark. That's nice of them. Anyway. We'll need your real information for background checks. You'll have to submit to some mild testing. Give a few samples."
You: Did you tell him yet? -TS
Stranger: Give me a second. -PP
Stranger: "It wasn't dad's fault, he wanted me to tell you" Peter blurts out without thinking, "I mean, ahm, ironman wanted me to tell you..."
You: "..."
You: I FEEL A DISTURBANCE IN THE FORCE! -TS
Stranger: SHUTUP! -PP
You: "What?"
Stranger: "Its just that ironman is such a national hero that he umm, seems like a father figure to me so sometimes I accidentally call him dad?" Peter lies
You: Steve takes a step forward, looking Peter up and down. "Take off the mask."
Stranger: "I really don't think that's necessary at the moment..."
You: "Oh, I think it is," he growls.
Stranger: "Pop I can explain!"
Stranger: "Fuck, I mean Captain america..."
You: Steve pulls the mask off before he can duck. He stands frozen, eyes wide.
You: "Jesus, Peter!"
You: Steve turns around, running a shaking hand through his hair.
Stranger: "I was going to tell you...."
You: "Oh! You were going to tell me. That's a relief. Did you decide that before or after you got shot with that blaster last month?!"
You: Steve went pale. "Oh god. /You? got shot with a blaster."
Stranger: "I wasn't even hurt that bad! Wade patched me up!"
You: "Oh! Well that just makes it all better! Peter, what were you thinking?! You could've died!"
Stranger: "But I didn't die!"
You: "But you could have! How could you put yourself in danger like that?! You think I want to be burying my son! I've buried too many people I care about, Peter. I won't let you be one of them!"
Stranger: "You and dad are superheroes!" Peter protests, "Why can't I be one too?"
You: "We do what we do to PROTECT you from danger! I'm a super soldier! Your father has his armor! You've got built in silly string and SPANDEX! PURE spandex!"
You: I can feel his rage from here. Have you melted yet? -TS
Stranger: "Dad said he'd make me a new suit..." Peter mumbles
Stranger: "And what's so bad about the spandex? Wade /likes/ the spandex!"
You: "So is he your boyfriend now? Are you hiding that from me too?"
Stranger: "No, but Dad thinks I have a shot with him..."
You: "What?!"
You: Is the vein on his forehead popping out? -TS
Stranger: I told him you think I have a shot with Wade. -PP
Stranger: "Dad said I could get him...."
You: You cockblocking brat! That's not what I said at all!-TS
You: "Somehow I doubt that." Steve says. "And don't try to distract me!"
Stranger: Language Dad ;) -PP
Stranger: "He did, he said I was a Stark and I could get him!" Peter continues
You: "Who in the world could you possibly be texting right now? If that's Wade he can expect a VERY long probation!"
Stranger: "Its just dad..."
You: Steve sighed. "Peter, how could you do this? How could you hide such a big part of your life from us? How could you throw yourself into danger like that?"
Stranger: "Because I want to help..."
You: "This is all my fault. I'm the one who didn't want to keep what your father and I did a secret and now... I should've listened to Tony."
Stranger: "Pop its not your fault...please don't blame yourself..."
You: "Yes. It is. All the publicity shoots and interviews, the parades. We made it look glamorous and it's not. Peter, this isn't like those cartoons you used to watch on Saturday mornings. These people will kill you and not think twice."
Stranger: "Wade's already given me the lecture pop, I've been doing this for a while now, I know things go wrong..."
You: Steve pinched the bridge of his nose. What was he supposed to do? "Peter, ...if we ever lost you I...I don't know what I'd do."
Stranger: "You're going to have to accept that I'm spiderman..."
You: Steve looked at Peter, considering. "I suppose you're right. I can't really stop you. It seems the best I can do is keep you close and keep an eye on you."
Stranger: "So does that mean I can be an avenger?" Peter asks excitedly
You: "I don't like it, but...welcome to the family business."
Stranger: "Thanks pop!" Peter grins, springing forward to hug Steve
You: Steve hugs Peter close wondering how many hugs they have left now.
You: "But you're still grounded for lying to us."
Stranger: "I didn't lie!" Peter protests
You: "Its just that ironman is such a national hero that he umm, seems like a father figure to me so sometimes I accidentally call him dad?" Steve quotes.
You: "I'm friends with your son."
Stranger: "Hey! I'm friends with myself!" Peter protests
Stranger: "And ironman is a national hero and at times he almost seems like a father figure when he's not acting like a fool" Peter laughs
You: Steve can't help a small smile at that one. "You're still grounded for a month." He puts an arm around Peter's shoulders and they start walking back inside. "That should give dad plenty of time to make you a new suit. One that's not unenforced spandex! Really, Peter!"
You: If you got /me/ in trouble your suit will be pink. Pink! -TS
Stranger: "Wade likes the spandex!" Peter whines, "And isn't one month a bit excessive?"
Stranger: What's that? You think me dating Wade is a good idea and you wanted me to keep spiderman a secret form pop? -PP
You: "Oh I'm holding waaaaay back. Believe me. It could have been until your thirty."
You: PINK! BRIGHT! DAYGLOW! PINK! -TS
Stranger: "Dad thinks I should pursue Wade..." Peter pipes up
Stranger: I can always stick with the spandex. -PP
Stranger: What did you call me exactly? A 'cockblocking brat' ? -PP
Stranger: I'm soooooooo going to live up to that name. -PP
You: "If you really feel safe bringing him into this house by all means, try it. What about Harry. He's a nice boy. I like Harry."
You: WITH SEQUINS!!!! -TS
Stranger: "I dated Harry..." Peter mumbles
Stranger: Pepper said she would help me bedazzle the ironman suit. -PP
You: "When did you date
You: Harry?"
Stranger: "eight months ago, he cheated on me with Gwen..." Peter mumbles glumly
You: I'll show Wade baby pictures. SOOOOO many baby pictures. -TS
You: "Wow. He seemed like such a good kid. ...you two didn't...ya'know...fondue?"
Stranger: I think I'm going to have nightmares every night until I'm 18, good luck fucking when I'm staying in your room and pop's babying me. -PP
Stranger: "No, thank god I didn't..." Peter sighs, "My virginity is intact, and pop, you realize you can say 'fucking' right?"
You: You think I need my room? We've done it other places. The shower, the kitchen, the workshop. You do know what happened in the jag before I gave it to you don't you? -TS
Stranger: I'm going to key every single one of your cars!! -PP
You: "Language. And good. Just remember. Don't give everything up front. Make him work for it."
Stranger: "You fucked dad in the jaguar!?!" Peter shrieks, "He gave me that car!!"
You: Steve turned red. "So. Long day. Bedtime, yeah?"
Stranger: "YOU FUCKED HIM IN MY CAR!!"
You: "Love you son!" Steve said, going to find Tony and smack him.